It's her birthday again, time she wonder the most, hopefully her dad will remember this day. What she didn't know was her daddy always remember this day, and Only this. Daddy, although he didn't carry himself as one, but to her, daddy is daddy no matter what had happened. She is big hearted.
When she was small she always wonder why both parents aren't stay together. She was place in parents' on alternate basis.
"Sometime I don't know where I'm when I wake up from bed", she said. I felt bit heartache to see what she went through. I was helpless. Really.
"Why both of you aren't staying together". Her wonder mind begun. She felt heartache to have beloved parents not be with her, altogether.
"We had many differences and we fought a lot, so it's best to separate". I answered with full of empathy.
"Can't both you just stay together, I want to see both of you together?". She rolled her eyes and beg. It does triggered the thought to jump back to the family.
"We feel that it's best to stay apart so you could live in peaceful environment". I tried to put her in the perspective that we still love her. " Plus you can still see your dad every weekend isn't it?". I try to fill her blank.
1 year later.
"See, there are many other kids in single family". We were watching movie, kids from single family lived healthily apart from missing one parent. I tried to lead her to see that she's not alone.
Soon, she realize she isn't the odd one.
"My friend also doesn't has mother". She said when her school teacher ask about family background.
However, she still yearning to have both parents when she saw parents are around for their kids when we were out in the mall or restaurant.
"It's stressful for you to live in a chaos conditions". She keep asking me the same set of questions and I always try to reiterate what we did was the best for her.
"Not every family is happy with parents around", "In fact, when both daddy and mommy had unreconcile differences, things went bad, it going to hurt you even more. In the long run it affect you." I said. Many kids rebel as a form of protest, elude from home, stray on the street etc so I feel good that we don't keep the rotten apple.
"You're a good girl and you're always our treasure". I reassured her that we love her.
She is fine over time, happy, cheerful, appreative.
"This statement might give bad repercussion over her undertaking of marriage". Said a friend of mine.
"Well, I told her the pros and cons, I just don't want to paint her a fairy tale story. Life is full of surprises and not ALL family will turn out bad". I said it with affirmative.
When things happen and kids have to stay apart from a parent, subject to their age, try to
1. keep the complicated adults matters from them
2. keep them emotional stable in whatever circumtances with whatever measures best
3. make them feel secure with your present, be with them all of your time as much as you can
4. Reassure them they are NOT the cause of these arguements
5. Above-all nourish them with lot of loves
Think from positive facet, separation is not the bad solution afterall. When things turn out bad, it's best to stay apart to think about the next course of action. Most importantly they are your first priority in all your undertaking.
Remember, there isn't a perfect solution but to keep the damage low.
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