Mariage Journey Begins II

I found this from my previous journal. Something I wanted to share with you.

"why spending the unnecessary on Valentine's Day?"  said, a friend married with one kid.

"Have you ever buy her anything during your courtship?", I asked.

"Nope", he answered firmly. "but I bought on her birthday", he added.

"How about now?" , I never give up.

"Nope, but I make efforts over the years to develop our future". He said.

To develop the future for the family, he fell into the stereotype of marriage which I covered  in my recent post -  Relationship Ended, Marriage Begins.

 

" When are you getting married?" I was so amazed with people who ask this question, especially those who are married.

" I already married once, I'm not in the hurry now." I replied using my usual line, I realised life is more than just getting married.

"Are you happily married" I asked. The usual reply will be "quite good, our live is progressing". No one will reveal the truth. Matter of fact, people who ask this question show a sign of doubt in their own situation - why would I get married in the first place.

So what's my ideal marriage? Do I really want to get married again?

Marriage is not something easy to manage unless fundamentally both parties are committed (C) and willing to compromise (C), consider (C) & comprehend (C) along the way. Overtime it can be diverted else where, that's where the problem arise.  Essentially it's takes strong LOVE to sustain the Marriage 4Cs elements, when the loves die everything else were just an empty shell. However misperception from most people is that's a natural process.

"How to sustain the ROMANTIC LOVE amid life challenges?" Most of the time LOVES died along the way.

Back to basic. Hormones draw us attracted  to someone who can complement ourselve.

However most people enter into marriage for wrong reasons be it pressure from peers, family or society. This is another topic by itself, but if you able to assess your needs and wants, you make thing less complicated. Sometime we got blind folded to see what's ahead and what's beneath when Loves come in strong wave, only the strong one will power one would able to flip the coin.

Let's make a simple analogy.

When you start sailing on the ocean, you feel free, your destination is indefinite, the future is so mysterious & exciting, you dream to travel the whole world.

After sometime, you feel cold and lonely especially in the dark, you wanted to ride onto another boat, desperately. You never assess where you wanted to land, what hull does the boat made of, is that a quality motorised boat, does the boat has sufficient food, does the rudder works, is there sufficient gasoline to run, does it has a cabin to keep from rains.

Due to the short-term needs, you hopped onto the boat.The first sailing with someone is thrilling. Sunny, blue sky and freedom, company that keep you warm & smiling. 

As time goes by, you realised sailing under the sun is hot, sailing when it rains is dull, reckless storming is tormenting, you start worrying about your future. You realised the boat isn't going to land and it isn't strong enough to overcome the nasty storm and one strong wave broke it into pieces.

 

Marriage Key Questions.

Are we mature enough to handle own emotions and others? The appropriate age to get married starting from 30 - 35. Most people has developed certain wisdom of live at this juncture and they know what do they want.

Are we complimenting each other? In the long run this is most essential element to a long lasting marriage but most of the time it was subsided along the way. Imagine a vehicle wasn't being 'fueled' from time to time, it make you hard to move on along the journey. The fuel in life is just like an energy booster, things that keep us alivee.  Thus keep with personal interest not only make you feel revitalise but complimenting your partner. Personal development not only create values for oneself but injected new energy into marriage. Remember you're the driver.

Is our financial strong to get married with less worries? Most people had developed certain financial status this age, but would getting married forgo my personal interest? This is essential. See 'Relationshio Ended, Marriage Begins I'.

Do we love each other, ENOUGH? Someone must love you for who you're, time is essential to allow a relationship 'mellow' into next level - accept the strength and weakness. " I've seen couple married for life after 3 months they met each other". Some said. Essentially, if these elements are made available along the journey, time isn't an issue anymore but to take risk into account.

Can we commit our self in a marriage? This sounded very weird, matter of fact there is no eternal commitment neither staying in a marriage, especially Commitment is something I WANTED to but can live without. In the even if you leave the boat without control, it will sail to where the winds directed. So it's essential to being constantly reminded of the commitment made.

Should I compromise? It takes two hands to clap, everyone knows, but easier said than done. Cited John Gray's relationship theory in ' Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus', learn to speak each other 'languages' is key to better communication. This is a good guidance into a perfect marriage. There is no short cut to learn how to compromise but to read, understand it and turn the knowledge into life, because you know yourself better. Remember it's not about I WANT TO but about HOW TO. It's not about I ALREADY DID, but WAS IT CORRECT.

AM I ready? If your response to aforesaid are positives. Then you're. Personally those are elements of love, once it was identified and answered, it will able to drive the marriage to a long way.

So once you're in the middle of the ocean you got to move on but no choice (you could jump off the boat, but this is another story by itself). Whilst overcoming the life challenges not to forget to enjoy the sunny day, cold breeze, clear blue sky, blissful freedom...

Deep dive once a while.........

............and seasoned companies.

I stumbled on one column in a magazine the other day, it says 'falling in love is like letting a man put a gun at your heart, and trusting him never to pull the trigger', this is somehow true but not entirely - should this is the rule of game, it's in fact, YOU determine where the gun pointing at. Nevertheless, however marriage risks are embedded, remember

YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN.

I don't mean these are the keys to eternal marriage, I don't really think there is one. Fundamentally, Live on present not future, it might turn out to be something you never thought of.

Whatever these are merely my personal opinions.



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Relationship Ended, Marriage Begins I