Shoe Closet

 

 

Divorce is not something new in today's economic-rich world, we are educated and we know what's best for ourselve. I'm pretty sure there are at least 1 or 2 people around you who are in this situation. As for me, I had been separated for more than 6 years and finally and officially divorced. Divorce is definitely painful to affected people regardless nationality, race or religion, because we're human, afterall.

 

Why did I took so long to divorce? Child Maintenance issue (Well, it's lame i know).  Instead of saying something which doesn't seem to be an apparent issue, I have to admit that I was weak to accept the fact that my marriage has failed and I got no clue how to take my life on...together with my angel especially. For a long period of time I even debate whether should I bring her into my life, so I hid myself in this separation mode. Neither Single or Divorce. Say whatever you like, I was a lost soul.

 

I shared my story to people I've met, I told them about my sorrows, hatreds, resentments, grievance and dilemma, I gained enormous empathy and moral support, however it doesn't resolved the problem of how to move on. Should I stay on in a marriage with broken trust and fear of next broken heart? Should I go farfaraway and dissappear from this heart breaking town or I bring my angel with me to begin my new life? Either way, it's going to be exquisitely tough and pain because those greatly involved emotions and financial support, and I was neither ready. Yes, sharing your story would help to mend a broken heart....hmm over time BUT could never resolve your painful problems. Matter of fact, too many advices confused me even more. 6 years later, one fine day, I woke up to a haggard looking me, dark eye circle, eyebag, hangover, brittle hair and scrawny figure, I cried, out loud. I gained nothing by hiding myself in this self-pitty world, I felt sick of living without a sensible soul. So I decided and I've a plan. A simple plan.

 

I made a last reconcilation with my ex (which is the ideal resolution for an angel), it was hard to mend after so many piercing incidences, so I moved on. I talked nothing about my past simply because I don't need any more empathy. All I wanted was a New Life. She deserved a better life, whether you're living she needs to live!

I worked very hard to achieve my goal, I was so overwhelmed by the energy exerted within my mind, body and soul. It work so cohesively for the first time, the adrenaline spike up just because I had ignited the desire of Reborn, the strong me emerged. I never spoke about my past marriage thereafter, perhaps I was afraid my past will haunt me or drag me back to the past like a vortex, something I didn't want to submerge into, again.

 

Today, someone ask if my past is a taboo to talk about? I said no. Perhaps it was, but it wasn't because I hated my past marriage but simply I want to move on. The past marriage was just a pair of shoe reside in your closet, over the years it has went out of fashion, worn-out, and even broken just like what I've elaborated in my last post, some shoes got broken easily because it's time. It might appear to you again the moment you open the closet, but you would never wear it anymore. At time, you tempted to wear simply because it was something you fond of or perhaps occasions you've shared with, but it has grown out of shape which doesn't fit you anymore. It has become a collection of shoes which can be kept for a long long time simply because it carries sentiment values or it will be thrown away simply because the closet has limited space. Human biology is so awesome that you won't be drown by too many unwanted memories.

It's mere a simple old shoes analogy but we do know that the "closet" is our memories bank and the "shoe" is one of our memories. Without it, there won't be today's me, I'm proud of who I'm today and will continue to be better each day.