Single mother parenting can be fairly hard, be it to instill proper manner, rectify bad habits/mistake or adhere to rules. You failed to be stringent due to their mental condition from your separation, subconciously you blame yourself for causing all these mistakes.
You didn't want to add salt to their wound as they are coping with the separation, deprieved from the absence love, trauma over times. Enforcing disciplines over the little heart and mind is tough especially when they start weeping, NOT CRYING!
They are relatively behave because you're the only one they could count on, they don't want to upset you. Psychologically, they might even blame themselve for causing the separation etc, thus they are more demure than children who has both parents. They lose the options of being demanding, yes, most parents find repulsive when children being demanding but not single parent, to me at least.
It was an evening on our usual way home.
" I got beaten by teacher". she said warily. " Why?" I baffled.
" Because I didn't do homework". She answered and look at me. "Why didn't you do your homework?". I asked gradually, I encouraged her to tell the truth.
" I didn't know how to do". She paused. " You could have asked me". I probed further but calm.
" You were always busy". At this juncture her tears lingering.
" But I always ask if you have done your homework.................". I was speechless at this point of time. Yes she was in the wrong for not doing homework, again it was my neglicence to aid her study, although I took care of her trauma and spend time with her. I felt bad....deeply, I felt heart broken. I find I still wasn't good enough.
"She could have been in better situation if both parents are around", I thought but that is something I couldn't provide.
So I gave in.... but I know the more I give in the more I spoil her, this applied to all every mis-behaviors. The next time when she tells me the same thing, I told her " You're Grounded".
To be able to displine your child effectively , you need to:
1. Set priority. If you admit you play a part to be responsible, reshuffle your schedule. Don't let BUSY drive your life.
2. Be Rational. Deviate your emotions during disciplinary session. You're well aware situation they are in shoundn't be an excuse to mis-behave, thus the better person they have to be.
3. Be calm. Shouting, anger, fierce to children would aggravate the situation. They might not even share with situation like this in the future. Or worse, anything. Thus you also to establishe good relation with your kid.
4. Show your loves always eventually Children will able to relate your love to things you want them to do.
5. Explain the reason of being 'punish'. They must be clear that you're punishing them out of love.
6. Make sure they understand what mistakes are so they won't repeat it again. Show them what are the detrimental point so they are aware of the negatives returns.
7. Obtain promises that they won't repeat the mistake, it will be easier to teach them next time. It will be more effective when the promises come from them instead of being 'impose'.
8. Show your support in the process of change. i.e Do home work together, make her good meal whilst she's studying, praise her from time to time.
Of all guidelines above-mentioned, continuous showing love or telling them how much you love them will remind them you did it for love sake.
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